last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
