sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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