One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
