he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
