I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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