I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
