no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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