I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He did a backflip because drugs
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
