Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
