I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
soo... how was my night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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