never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
