I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
