my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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