this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
