Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
