Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
