taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My bed is full of blood and feathers
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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