I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
