i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
