I'm really into asian looking animals
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
