Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
