nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
