I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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