Porn is love you can see.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
