broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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