I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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