He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
