So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
