I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
