so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
