How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
