It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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