My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
