now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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