I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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