I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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