There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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