i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
