Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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