do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
