Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
