I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
