R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
