I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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