So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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