I'm going to jail i love you
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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