so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
