clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
