I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
