from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
