I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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