Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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