if you like me you must not know who I am
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Your topless pictures make me question reality
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
